i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
