I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
