If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
