I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
