I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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