You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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