No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize