You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
