Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
