dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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