paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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