Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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