So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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