i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
