once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
