gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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