How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
