Do you still have your period?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
