Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
bring money and cleavage
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
