I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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