And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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