you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
