I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
