I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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