I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
