Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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