I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
