Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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