i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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