I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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