Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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