Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Randomize
