Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
