She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
