so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
