Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
