one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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