Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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