every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
