It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
