I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize