I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize