I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
