so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
