plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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