He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
