can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
