He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize