Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
