I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
