i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
