My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
