Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
