I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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