A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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