When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
