I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
