We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
