no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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