cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
