So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
