i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
