Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
