Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
