dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
