I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm too high and old for this...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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