Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
