Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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