Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
