So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize