drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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